I am really sad to hear that you stopped playing basketball and transferred just to be with him. I hope that you read those books and learn a little bit about yourself along the way. I hope that in the future, you figure out the lesson you learned about quitting something you love to be with someone you love. If my boyfriend and I got engaged and he wanted me to move across the country with him, I would. But if there's no ring, then there's no reason for me to give up my life. That's how I personally feel. I think that in your life, you have to decide if there is real commitment there (from BOTH parties) before you ever decide to give up something like that again.

Now as for starting to get through this, check out those forums, read my blog for lots of advice (Link), cry, and take care of yourself. It's so easy for someone to just say "get over it!" but it takes a ton of time...and it's what you do in that time that wil make for a happier and healthier you. : )

To answer your question. I have never had another boyfriend. Thanks for all your tips and suggestions. I am passionate about my education or was. I use to play basketball in college until I quit to spend more time with him and I transferred home to be with him. I don't think we will ever get back together. Him and this girl started "officially dating" last week and they had been talking since July. I think it is the real deal.

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation - and even more sorry to hear that it's been going like this for years and years. There's a pattern here of you putting up with the worst of the worst because you truly believe that you are meant to be with one another. So it doesn't sound as if you want to get over your ex. It sounds like you want someone to tell you how to get back with him.

I can't imagine wanting to get back together with someone that is already sleeping with someone else. I know the distance with this new girl is probably the deciding factor, but it also seems that as soon as someone else shows interest in him, he dumps you for her, knowing that whenever that sours, he can always go back to you. And you always let him back in.

Have you ever dated anyone else?

I think it's okay to be in love and accept someone for their flaws, but I also want to ask you something - What is your identity without him? You obviously are passionate about your education, considering you chose to go to college far away, but who are you without your ex? That could be a journal question that you work through.

There's no reason why you can't figure out your own stuff during this breakup. Chances are that you'll get back together, but you have to figure out WHY the relationship isn't working. Figure out WHY you let someone walk all over you like this. Figure out how to get a backbone so if/when he tries to get back together with you, you can lay down the law and show him that he has to give you more in order to be with you. And if he won't give you more, than you have to consider why you'll settle for less than you deserve.

There are a few books out there you may want to check out from the library to read inbetween crying jags. Get - Toxic Relationships (I don't remember the author - and Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.

If he doesn't come back and you're ready to accept the breakup, then of course, get The Breakup Workbook (my book) and complete the exercises so you can attempt to move forward with your life without him. But until then, cry, read, and figure out WHY you are willing to accept this behavior.

I'm curious to know as to whether you've dated anyone else. I think that may be part of it. But regardless, whether you get back with him or not, take time to cry your heart out, then do the work to get to a better place in your life.

And if your friends are sick of you talking about it, join the forum at Link and talk to other broken hearted girls about it.

-MJ