Dear Amanda,
There is no easy way or magic answer to deal with your depression. Praying to God for strength is a good start, but remember, the answer to your prayers is not always the answer you expect. Take each day as it comes and look for the good in it. Start making lots of memories with your sister, good memories, such as videos, pictures, scrapbooks, etc. Assure her that her children will be cared for and will know how much she loved them. Do all you can to help her as her time grows nearer to be with the Lord. If possible, do the same with your grandpa. Whether you realize it or not, you have a gift, the gift of time. Time to say good-bye, to say what you always wanted to say. Most people don't get to say good-bye and spend the rest of their lives regretting it. By focusing your energies on your sister and grandpa, you will make them happier and in turn, help to lift some of your depression. I have always believed that life is just one day closer to death, but life is also one more day of being alive, a gift from God. Amanda, none of us know when our time will come, and it doesn't seem fair that some pass on sooner than others, but the older you get the more death you will experience and the more accepting of it you will become. You will always grieve the loss of loved ones, but knowing that you did the best you could and were the best person you could be while they were here on earth will give you comfort and help you to cope with these feelings. I wish you and your family the best, and may God watch over all of you and give you the inner peace you need right now.

Dear Amanda,
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through dear but I sure wish I could be there to hold your hand and help you through this. I know years ago we lost my aunt to a disease and or virus she contracted while being a missionary/ translator for over 45 years and when she passed it really hit our family hard and then about a year later my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It was a scary time but it drew our family together. My mom made it through her cancer and is now cancer free but we do keep a close eye on her especially when she gets ill. Oops sorry about the rabbit trail.
Any way I tend to slip into periods of depression myself as I am dealing with a chronic illness and our daughter tends to put us through quite a bit and I could list half a dozen other things but the way I have learned to deal with it all is to 1) have some one you can talk to that will truly empathize with you and can help to bring you back up. 2) find something you can do for others to take your mind off the problem even if it's just an hour or so a day. If you sit and only think about what is happening you will make yourself sick as well and then you will be of no help to anyone if you are needed. When my health put me out of the work force I started going nuts as I felt useless. I found an organization where I could knit warm items for the homeless and when a friend who is a missionary to Nepal with 5 children's homes she asked if I would consider making hats for her children. How could I say no? So find something you can do to help someone. My doctors tried several anti-depressants and when we finally found one that worked it started effecting my liver so I went natural and started taking St Johns Wort and it really helps. Of course if you are on any medications you need to check with your doctor or pharmacist first. Hope this helps and if you need someone to talk to I'm generally on line most of the day.
Melanie

Amanda I am so sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time in your life. You really should find someone to talk to, but at the same time remember that you're a strong person and as tough as this may all be, you are tougher. Make sure you take care of your own health and well being, and you'll be better equipped to take care of your family. You will make it through this! Good luck.

Have you thought about finding some form of faith? Faith is the best way to deal with all of this. If you have some form of spiritual being within you, something will change and it will give you hope and assurance. And eventually make you feel much more happy.

Also, try some counseling. May be you just need someone to talk to about all your problems.

I too struggle from letting people get close because of similar issues, but if you just let down that wall and let one person in, that person may be able to help you through your strife.

Best wishes