Gay Hendricks

My number one piece of advice:
Learn to listen carefully to women. Men have a great deal more to learn from women than they have to teach women.

Unless you are completely 100% honest, you actually don’t have a relationship, you have an entanglement. You must be honest about everything all the time. A lot of men get defensive, saying “do you have to tell them everything?” You have to tell your partner everything significant and be honest about anything the other person might have an emotional reaction to.

Don’t give up.
It starts with both people taking an honest look at what their five big wishes are for what they want to get out of life. You have to do this on a regular basis. You are trying to develop a set of skills to stay in vibrant, passionate relationship and that takes quite a bit of focus and attention. I never call it work, I call it focused attention.

If you need action steps, here are some things to
do.
Give a gift. Write a note that says, “The gift of one hour of pure listening where I don’t say a word, all I do is focus on listening to you” and put it in a box and tie it up. Many couples say it is the best anniversary present they ever gave each other. It puts the person into a different state of consciousness. It is saying “I’m in this relationship to nurture your essence, to help you achieve your deepest needs and goals.”

Ban contempt.
Men can sometimes leave quite a bit of calibration into what leaves an expression of contempt. In my view, any man who criticizes a woman is saying that his view of reality is superior to her view of reality. Men need to learn that women’s view of reality is useful to them and a key to their own evolution as human beings.