Q&A
If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!
- Browse:
- Recent
- Popular
- Unanswered
Passion now or later?
So I met this really cool guy this weekend and we already went on our first date! Hooray! We met for coffee and ended up talking for about four hours about everything from movies to family and overall had a lot of fun. I'm very intrigued, but something felt different than the guys I usually end up dating. I usually get all nervous and silly when I like a guy, but this time it felt so easy. I'm wondering if this means that I'm only into him as a friend, or if I'll develop more of a passion as things progress.
Well, its been over a week and he hasn't made an effort to hang out again so, NEXT!
I say, read the book called "Blink" by Malcom Gladwell. It explicates a theory based on the idea if you that, even after hours, days, or even years of thinking something through... more often than not (of course, "always" as in the cases of examples referenced in the book) you end up reverting back to your "gut" instinct... your original feeling within "the first five minutes." And, while I'm an over-analyst, so I don't eeeeeeeentirely agree with the theory, I believe it applies to MOSTthings, but not ALL, the book says to go with your instinct, one step at a time, and to focus the attention you would have otherwise devoted to these "gut" instinct-type decisions towards things that actually require additional thought and consideration... examples: unknown. And, for now, if I were you, I would say, take it one step at a time... there's something so comforting and refreshing about being able to "be yourself" in front of someone, and while you may be missing the "butterflies," really "butterflies" is just a euphamism for "nerves" you're subject to when you first meet someone. Since you don't seem to be "nervous," just go with the flow. And thank your lucky stars you've met someone (regardless of what kind of relationship comes with time) who doesn't preoccupy your curiosity/thoughts so much that you seem even distracted at work and inevitably consumed with the whole "is he gonna call... or not?, etc" feelings/thoughts. :)
I'm really happy for you; it sounds like, at the very least, you've met a great, great friend... maybe more. But, it's also important to remember, if you do, with time, realize that he couldn't be more than a "friend," it's important to gently let him know in a mutual sort of way... so that he doesn't eventually start thinking you guys are in a "serious or dating" scenario, when the feeling isn't mutual.
Hmm, well you'll have to see what happens! I have definitely had that "easy" feeling with guys though and it's great, and it usually means good things. It's that whole idea of "clicking," and it's so invigorating when it happens right off the bat and you don't have to add yet another awkward first date story to the pile.
Good luck!
