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Can We Be Friends?
As you might have discovered, a divorce doesn’t always mean a clean break with your ex, especially when there are kids involved. Old habits die hard. When your ex drops off the kids, he or she may ask for gas money. Or if he or she is running late to pick them up from school, you may still get those last-minute calls to come to the rescue. These favors that were annoying to you when you were married make you downright livid now that you’re getting divorced.
But before you lash out at your ex, take a step back and realize that somewhere along the line, you’re enabling his or her behavior. If there are certain favors your ex requests that make your blood boil, simply stand firm and say “no.” Don’t bend. Don’t give in. You don’t have to be his or her friend right now. A strong support system comes in handy here because it can be very difficult to say “no” repeatedly. Eventually, he or she will learn that such requests are unacceptable and will stop asking.
Of course, there are always exceptions. Don’t become a “no” parrot, especially when certain requests have the children’s best interest at heart. The key is balance: You shouldn’t be taken advantage of, but you need not be a stone wall either. Try to remain empathetic with your former spouse. If striking that balance seems too difficult, don’t be afraid to ask for outside help from a professional, such as a divorce counselor.
How do you stay amicable with your former spouse? [CNN]
I am currently getting divorced. I met my ex when we were 15 and basically grew up togeather for the past 7 or so years. So neither of us have had a chance to grow and learn in our own ways. Both of us were incapable of being a good spouse. Now that we are getting a divorce and are concintrating on being the friends we were before i askd her to marry me. Divorce is a terribly traumatic event but in my situation it has given me my best friend back. So dont forget that at some point you were madly in love and try to get your relationship back, sadly marriage is no longer forever... but neither is divorce
Oh, and that should be what "our" relationship was ... I hate when I make stupid typos. (-;
I don't have a former spouse, but I did have two former serious ex-boyfriends before meeting my fiance.
I think the key -- as long as both of you remained respectable during the relationship -- is to leave the relationship and know that you are not moving on because he or she is a bad person. But, instead, because you simply did not work out for one another.
I remain friendly with my exes in the sense that I respect what are relationship was during the time being. I found my ultimate partner in my fiance, but I know that my exes taught me things to get me where I am today. Even if it was simply to find out what I did NOT want in a partner!
Stay amicable, but keep your distance. I am pleasant to my exes if I ever see them in passing, -- which doesn't happen now that we have moved away! -- but I draw the line. "Hi. How are you?" and my best wishes work just about fine for me.