Unwanted Divorce and Letting Go

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I am going through an unwanted divorce. I was married for seven year, both our second marriages. I was blindsided by his decision to leave the marriage and for another woman, 20 years younger than him. She left her spouse to be with mine so they are together. I was shocked, devastated and traumatized. I was powerless to stop the affair and powerless to preserve the marriage so I have no choice but to move on. It is one of the most painful experiences of my life and each day can be a struggle. I tell myself that to hold on to my dignity, embrace the pain and I will come out the other side, stronger and happier. Good luck to all those "victims' of unwanted divorces.

I'm going through a divorce after 26 years of marriage and 30 years together with my high school sweetheart. There are many extenuating circumstances to brought us to this point. A friend of mine says, " you can't force something if it doesn't fit." I think he's got a good point here. My marriage worked for a long time, but as these extenuating circumstances (health issues) began to become too much, it ultimately lead to the demise of my marriage. I am not happy with how things ended, but I am on a path to a happier life. I just have to find my direction now. I do believe that back to my faith and God is where I need to be right now. That is the one true constant that I can rely on and find peace in. I wish you nothing but the best Fizzle20.

I'm am planning to serve my husband of 19 years (together 23 years) with divorce papers soon. He doesn't believe I will ever leave. He lost his job over 9 months ago and hasn't even looked for work - says I will "have to support him whether I like it or not". This should not surprise me, since I have supported the family from the beginning. Maybe I have enabled this behavior, but I can't accept it any longer - what is the point of being married if all I get is a bad roommate.

We have two teenage children and I expect the split will be difficult, but not surprising for them. I have been unhappy for many years and can't keep up the appearances any longer. I can't afford to stay - financially or emotionally. My problem is that intellectually I know all of this, but can't take the very last step easily. I hope this website will help me find some answers as to why I may be hesitating or afraid of the change that I know is the right path to take for myself and my children.

There seems to be alot of this going around. I too, am in the same situation. I am still going through all the emotions ( I am 3 months into this) and I can tell you that I am having a good day once or twice a week now. I see that it's been a few months for you as well. Counseling has helped and just trying to find a distraction every now and then. We all seem to be in a position that we didn't choose and now have work to do that we aren't thrilled about doing. I think we will all be better and stronger people in long run, but in the meantime it is a very painful experience. I sure would like to know how the person who leaves feels............relieved, sad, guilty or just glad to be done with us.

I am in the same predicament..But I was only married for 10 months..been with my husband for 5 years too..lived with each other prior to marriage..He said he needed time to think about what he wanted and decided on permanent separation..I don't even know if I would want him to return at this point--he ended our marriage over the phone and through e-mail and I think I deserved a bit better than that! I'm working on feeling better every day and saving money so I can move out of my parents place--they took me in for now but it's obviously not a permanent situation..I just can't believe someone I loved could do this to me..But I have to accept it to move on..Fizzle, good luck and try to think positive..maybe go see a therapist as this is very helpful..

Although I filed for divorce, it was also unwanted. Found out my husband was having a long term affair and was planning to leave me and the 2 children. He even was shoppong for an engagement ring! I had no choice. I have to move on and remember that life is fair. She is getting what we are now willing to let go of.. bad temper and mood swings. I need to look forward and luckily I have lots of siblings for support.

Hi fizzle20,
I am in the same boat, and it is awful. My husband of 28 years just left, no real reason, just wanted to leave because he needed to clear his head?!?! Who does this after so long? What is worse, I still would take him back. I think I need some help with co-dependency. He has walked out on a long term commitment and I am still pining for him...
I too am in a big house, alone for the first time and it is scary as hell. But we are survivors and we will survive this and more. Enjoy your time alone and use it to collect your thoughts and ideas about how to live each day one day at a time and realize that you are lovable and will come through this!