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When does it hit you?
My grandmother just passed away last weekend, and while I have definitely cried over the loss, I don't feel like it has quite hit me that she is gone. She was like a second mom to me, and while she was 91, she died very unexpectedly. I kept saying to my husband all through the wake and funeral that this all just doesn't seem real. I am also expecting my first child - I'm actually due any day now - and I can't believe she won't be here to see the baby. I'm worried that when he comes, then it will hit me.
I am so sorry for your loss. When I lost my grandfather it was such a terrible loss. We were very close and I loved him more than anyone else in the world. Although your grandmother has died, you are getting ready to start a new life. Your grandmother is with you and will be the guardian angel for your child. You may not notice her presence, but you will see her in your child's face, in their smile, in their eyes. I do believe our relatives live on in our children. Celebrate your grandmother's life with your new gift of love. It might help to write a memory book of all the times you shared that were special so you can pass on those memories to your child.
It doesn't hit you all at once and then stop. It'll hit you over and over again in different situations, with different intensities. Yes, I'm sure you'll feel her loss when your son is born. But know that she's watching over you now, and all the joy and happiness that little one will bring into your life will help to ease the pain you're feeling.
Good luck with your little one...
When my grandfather passed away, I cried, but felt very much the same way. It wasn't really "real" to me until well over a year later, when I found a letter he wrote me when I was a child. I laughed and cried for all the sweet memories I had of him and am immensely sad that he can't see my life now.
I think grief comes and goes in waves. No doubt the birth of your child will bring up intense emotions. I think the thing to do is not worry about what comes up, but just allow yourself to feel all the emotions, let them pass through you as they will, and share them with your family.