BiPolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder

I was diagnosed with these mental illnesses about 10 years ago. I had a marriage, 3 wonderful children, and a successful teaching career. I was put in the hospital 4 times in the psyc wards and then 1 time in the State Psyc Hospital. I was committed there and I was taken then in a police car. My husband came 1 time in the little over a month I was there. 4 of the times I was hospitalized were because of suicide attempts. 1 of those those times I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I went to the state hospital for slitting my wrist and getting over 20 stitches. It was a horrible place. I was told that since I was in the state system that if I ever went to the hospital again that I would go back. I have wanted to try to commit suicide but I have also been too afraid if I failed I would go back to that horrific place. I am a self injurer. It is scary because sometimes I want to go too far. But I know that I shouldn't. I know that I would probably fail again.

I may not have any of the illnesses you all are mentioning here. However, BiPolar is considered to be a terminal illness IF the person doesn't take their meds. I used to stop taking my meds. But for a very long time I have been taking them when I am suppossed to. I keep my psyc appointments. I do everything I need to do. Well, at least almost everything I need to do. It is very difficult. It is a battle everyday. A new fight everyday. Everyday is very hard for me.