Hi. I am sorry to hear of your difficult time. I don't know if you feel your husband is an alcoholic, but perhaps a family intervention or a close relative of his can talk to him about AA and the benefits of going and quitting drinking for you and his children. Maybe you can go to Al-Anon as well. You can also suggest couples counseling to him. I was in a two year relationship with a substance abuser and it wasn't until I was sick for six weeks that I prayed to have this relationship taken away from me. I didn't know how or when it was going to end. I was even continuing with wedding plans. One day something happened, I knew in my gut that this wasn't right and he was out ten days later. It has been extremely difficult and painful but the relief and new joys and fulfillment that have come into my life are endless. I can give a lot of credit to this website and the book. There are still some difficult days but nothing compared to the uncertainty and fear I experienced in that relationship. Do not be hard on yourself. Also, try to determine what are your deal breakers. For me it was lying, infidelity, physical abuse. After two years in this relationship I still wasn't being treated with respect. There wasn't any communication. I realized if we didn't have it by now, we weren't going to get it. I also realized, and this was very difficult, that I didn't love myself, had low self-esteem and confidence. My friend said I had a spirit of insecurity. I tolerated too much emotional abuse as a result of this as well. As giving, empathetic and compassionate as I was, I didn't display these emotions to myself and he saw this and continued to disrespect me because I didn't respect myself. I think this can happen in any relationship. I have experienced this with friends as well. Oh, and yes, I was always the complainer and bad girl. The thing is, I was unhappy with myself in some areas, but also unhappy with who he was. Who he was is the same person I met two years in the beginning of the relationship. He was happy with himself but I wasn't. I started to make changes with myself and my situation became clearer and my tolerance was obliterated and forced me to see that reality of the situation. A quote I read on the internet from a magazine said something like if you have to talk around about your relationship you're not really in one and if you can't talk to the person you're in a relationship with, you don't have one (something like that). That hurt like hell but it described the last two years of my life completely. I also read something about substance abusers / alcoholics (please know that I am not saying your husband is either of these)that they are just synonymous with liers. Anything that comes out of their mouths you can guarantee will be a lie. It's just the nature of their way of life. This does not mean you stop caring but it may mean to let go. I hope this was helpful. I wish you well, peace and prayers.