30 Days to a Happier Life

5. I know that the more quickly I accept or choose change, the less the pain and hardship will be.

Two years ago, my new digital camera — a birthday gift — sat in the box for months; I couldn't bear to part with my trusty old 35 mm, and just looking at the new camera made me feel anxious and incompetent.

Silly? Maybe, but sometimes we make even minor changes painful by hanging on desperately to the past, says de Bonvoisin. "Life is like a long river, and we're all in a boat floating downstream," she says. "We can cling to a rock and refuse to keep going. We can furiously row upstream, trying to get back to someplace we can never reach—or we can let go of the oars and realize that we are being carried toward everything we want." Think of it this way: Does not accepting a change make it go away? Does fighting the current help? Once you let go of the oars, your life will get back on track. (And usually — like me finally snapping away with my swell new camera — you end up wondering why you clung to the rock for so long.)

6. I use empowering questions and words, I think better thoughts, and I allow my feelings to come up.

Kionna Coleman, a 30-year-old single mom, moved from New York City back home to Raleigh, NC, after a breakup with her boyfriend, only to be hit with her dad's sudden death from a heart attack a few months later. During this time, she remembers using many negative words and phrases. "I used to wake up every day and say, 'I can't catch a break,' or 'I hate my life,'" she recalls. Even though Kionna had way more than her fair share of heartache in a year, she realized that the downbeat talk wasn't helping. "Those negative thoughts were sucking whatever energy I had left because I was starting to believe them," she says.

One way Kionna got herself to ditch the gloomy talk was by looking into her son's big brown eyes every time she felt a wave of pessimism come over her (when she was at work, she would simply whip out a photo of him). "He's so full of life and love, and seeing him made me realize that my situation wasn't so bad," she says. "Focusing on the joy he gave me helped me change my negative words and thoughts."

Listen to the language you use in the midst of any change, says de Bonvoisin — and make a conscious effort to clean it up. "Depressed, tragic, disaster — those words carry tremendous weight," she says. "The next time you're tempted to say you had the worst day ever, stop and think — was it? Or was it merely a challenging day? Or even bette — an interesting one?"

7. I know I am connected to something bigger — my soul, my spirit, my higher self.

In the midst of grieving for her father and adapting to life as a single mom in a city she hadn't lived in for years, Kionna turned to yoga and meditation. "They make me feel in tune with my soul and spirit — my higher power — which kept me calm and centered when I was losing focus," she explains.

Stay sane through any change by finding a deep spiritual place inside yourself, says de Bonvoisin. "It's the part you go to sleep with, the part you get up with," she says. "Whatever your personal belief — angels, your soul, a life force, God — we all crave something beyond ourselves, something that will never change." By getting in touch with your spiritual side, you locate an ever-present source of calm that you can draw on whenever you want — and that helps you feel peaceful no matter what life dishes out.