Okay, people, it's been over three months since the holidays. You still can't get those pants zipped? Maybe you need to stop drinking all that diet soda.

Psst—hey buddy. Yeah, you, closing the medicine cabinet. We saw the antifungal cream. Don't worry, your secret's safe with us—just keep those fungus feet over there.

Hey, did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from jail? The headline in the newspaper read "SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE."

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me. (Say it again.) I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggone it, people like me. (Really loudly this time.)